The British Isles' New Car
by The Author Berry
Summary: After drunk driving and crashing Scotland's car, Northern Ireland buys a new car and takes his crack-pot family out for a ride. Chaos ensues obviously. After all, they are the British Isles.


**Title:** The British Isles' New Car  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Potty mouths, dangerous driving, demon monkey-children, not historically accurate.  
><strong>Synopsis: <strong>After drunk driving and crashing Scotland's car, Northern Ireland buys a new car and takes his crack-pot family out for a ride. Chaos ensues obviously. After all, they are the British Isles.

* * *

><p>Northern Ireland loved driving fast, especially when he was drunk. It was so exciting when you could feel the alcohol burning in your body, adrenalin pumping as the AC tore at your face. Swerving round corners. Zipping through red lights. Tearing down country roads. Speeding past police cars…<p>

Wait.

_Police cars?_

"Oh sh… shlit!" Northern Ireland slurred as he heard the roar of the sirens behind him. He knew he was way over the legal alcohol limit.

The police were indicating for him to pull over. In his panic, he pressed down on the accelerator and drove further down the bumpy, winding roads of the Northern Irish countryside. The police were hot on his tail. Northern Ireland flashed a look over his shoulder, taking his hands off the steering wheel and giving the police the middle finger when suddenly…

* * *

><p>"You did <strong>WHAT<strong>?" Scotland roared with rage the next morning when he came to pick Northern Ireland up from police custody.

Northern Ireland remained expressionless as he walked with his older brother out of the building.

"I crashed the car, OK? Calm down. It's not that big a problem," he replied. Scotland was fuming now.

"Not that big a problem? North, that was the family car and I paid for it! I can't afford to buy another one at the moment, my economy's in the crapper."

"Look, I'm sorry."

"Sorry 'ain't gonna cut it," the Scotsman began, red in the face. "It's your fault, so you need to buy a new car with your _own _money. Not your country's. Got it?"

Northern Ireland gave a slight nod and the brothers made their way to the train station.

* * *

><p>Northern Ireland didn't have much money to buy something flashy like he wanted to. Luckily, to narrow it down, Scotland had given him a list of requirements that was needed to accommodate their crack-pot family.<p>

1. It has to be comfortable  
>2. Needs plenty of space<br>3. Must have AC and a CD or iPod player/adaptor. Built-in SatNav would be a plus.

The man stared at the list, running a hand through his flaming red hair. He'd seen this one car he loved… it didn't fit all the requirements, but it was really good. Should he risk it?

He turned to face the car again, looking over it with emerald eyes. He slipped into the driver's seat, tested the wheel and gears. It was amazing. He loved it! It might be a bit of a gamble, but it was worth it. _This_ was the car.

The car salesman, a small hunched over man with a beak like nose and beady eyes, stood watching the nation intently.

"So… are you interested?" he asked in a high-pitched voice.

For the first time in so long, Northern Ireland felt a grin flash across his face and he nodded.

"I'll take it!"

* * *

><p>"This better be good," England grumbled as he and the rest of his family assembled outside onto the driveway of their home.<p>

Ireland smiled, flicking back her red locks.

"North sounded pretty excited this morning. I wonder what his surprise is," she said cheerfully. Then, a car zoomed into the drive, nearly knocking the five people off their feet. England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Sealand stared at the car as Northern Ireland stepped out of the driver's seat.

"Well," he began, putting his elbows on the roof and grinning back at his siblings (a thing they'd barely ever seen him do). "What do you think?"

The car was a Mini Cooper with Union Jack paintwork.

England loved it.

Wales liked it.

Scotland hated to admit it, but he liked it.

Sealand didn't care; he was just excited that they had a new car.

Ireland _hated_ it.

"It's _amazing_!" Sealand beamed as he and England began looking around the car. Scotland merely grunted, yet he couldn't stop the small smile forming on his face. Ireland glared at her Northern brother.

"That's really inconsiderate. You know I'm not part of the UK!" she spat angrily. "I'm not riding in a car with that flag on it!"

North scowled at her.

"Come on, Ireland," Sealand whined. "At least have a test ride in it!"

Ireland shook her head stubbornly.

"No. Besides, there are only_ four_ seats and there are _six_ of us."

Northern Ireland raised an eyebrow at his sister as a thought came to his mind. He strode over to her, picked her up and flung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"_Hey_!" she screeched, pounding on his back with her fists. "_North_! _Put me down now_! _North_!"

Northern Ireland ignored her. He like irritating his sister.

"Uh- Northern Ireland?" England began nervously as the male Irish nation walked up to the boot of the car and opened it. "Maybe you should put her down."

Northern Ireland shrugged and threw his sister in the boot of the car, causing her to yelp as she fell and hit the bottom with a loud thump.

_"North! What the bloody hell do you think you're-!_" Ireland was cut off by her older brother slamming the boot shut on her.

England shuffled awkwardly.

"That's not what I meant…"

A loud thumping noise came from the back of the car.

"_Tuaisceart Éireann! Let me out of here!_"

"Ah, shut your mouth, Ireland!" North retorted.

The other four blinked at their Irish brother, speechless. Northern Ireland walked away from the boot, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

"Right then! Who's ready to take this baby out for a spin?"

* * *

><p>The Mini Cooper rocketed through the tiny villages, way over the speed limit and driving all over the place, even on the other side of the road!<p>

"Bloody hell, North!" England yelled from the back seat. "Slow down, for Christ's sake!"

_"NOOOOORTH~!"_ Wales screamed, sounding very much like a girl. _"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US!"_

Northern Ireland laughed manically, eyes wild with excitement as he sharply turned a corner, nearly throwing his passengers out of their seats. Scotland, who was up front in the passenger's seat, was suddenly thrown against the wind screen. Sealand meanwhile, had crawled out from his position squashed between Wales and England and was now also up front, hanging out of the window.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!"

"Sealand, you demon monkey-child! Get back in here!" Scotland yelled, still pressed up against the glass. He tried to grab the kid's ankle and pull him back in, but Sealand scrambled away and sat on the roof of the car, feet dangling in front of the wind screen. England and Wales both jumped out of their skins.

_"SEALAND!_"

Meanwhile, Ireland was still pounding on the car from the inside of the boot.

"North! Let me out!"

"Shut up, Ireland," North cackled as the car tore through another town.

"Be careful, you idiot!" England shouted angrily. "You might throw Sealand off!"

A delighted laugh came from outside the car. Sealand had a massive, mischievous grin on his face as he whooped the air.

"This is so much fun!" he yelled enthusiastically.

Scotland, by now, had pulled himself up and was now half out the window, his legs on his seat and everything from his hips up outside the speeding car as he tried to pull Sealand back inside. Wales was in the back seat, hyperventilating.

"Oh God. This is so dangerous," he squeaked, as white as a sheet. _"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"_

"Be quiet, you big girl," Northern Ireland shouted, turning round in his seat to face his brothers in the back. Both England and Wales screamed, Wales once again sounding like a little girl.

_"WATCH THE ROAD!"_ England yelled, grabbing and forcing his Irish brother's head back in the right direction. North laughed again, sounding like an evil leprechaun.

"Relax~"

_"PULL OVER!"_ Wales, Scotland and England screamed in unison.

Finally, Scotland managed to catch Sealand's foot and pull him back inside. The two fell, Scotland ending up squashed against the glass of the wind shield again and Sealand thrown into Northern Ireland's lap, knocking his older brother's hands off the wheel and getting his foot stuck in one of the gaps.

"Uh-oh," he mumbled, trying to remove his foot which actually ended up steering the car all over the place. Now Sealand and North had joined in with the screaming.

"What's going on in there?" Ireland's muffled voice yelled.

England leaned forward, grabbing Sealand's hands and pulling, yanking his foot free and sending him flying back into the back. North quickly grabbed the wheel again, still screaming his head off. Then, over the tremendous racket of the screaming family trying desperately to get control of the car again, came the wail of a siren. Everyone went silent, frozen. The car still went cannonballing along down the roads. Wales turned around slowly in his seat and looked out the rear screen. He gulped.

"It's the police," he croaked. Scotland swore loudly, slamming his fists on the dashboard. Sealand began screaming again over the screech of tires as North increased speed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" England snapped. "Stop the bloody car _NOW_!"

"I'm going to outrun them," North replied, his voice hoarse from all the screaming.

"You can't do that! _They're the police!_"

A loud click interrupted them and Wales looked over his shoulder, through the back wind shield, to see the boot door fly open.

"This isn't good…"

Ireland was now pulling herself out of the boot and onto the roof.

"_IRELAND_!" the five male nations screamed in unison. Ireland was lying on her stomach, clinging onto the sides of the roof for dear life. Slowly, she was edging towards the front of the car.

"She's crazy," Sealand gasped, looking out the driver's window at his big sister. There was a loud clatter as Ireland was suddenly hanging onto the side of the car, kicking her legs up and slipping inside through Scotland's open window.

"Sorry," she sighed when she nearly kicked North in the nose as she pulled herself into the back with her three siblings. There was a clatter and small screech as Ireland fell to the floor at her brothers' feet, limbs up in the air and squashing her family.

"It's getting cramped in here," England mumbled, muffled by Ireland's shoe in his face. Ireland sat up, quickly tidying her wind-blown hair and kneeling up, resting both arms on North and Scotland's seats so she could lean forward and look out the wind screen.

"You're a crap driver, North. And I hate you," she said in a calm tone, despite the fact her brothers were still screaming as Northern Ireland nearly hurtled off the road, then narrowly missed ploughing into an old woman driving in the opposite direction (they were driving on the wrong side, not her).

"_NORTHERN IRELAND_!" Sealand screeched as Northern Ireland drove all the way round a roundabout three times at the speed of light…

OK… maybe not the speed of light but it was ridiculously fast for a Mini Cooper.

"Slow down, North, for crying out loud!" Scotland yelled, trying to grab the wheel and get his foot over to slam down on the breaks. All that happened was the car lost control again, spinning around in a circle down the motorway they somehow ended up on, the occupants screaming in terror. Meanwhile, Scotland's knee had hit a button on the console and heavy metal music began blaring out at them on full volume.

So, you have a Mini Cooper with six screaming people in it, swerving and spinning down a major motorway in England and blasting out deafening rock songs, now getting chased by three police cars, two police motorcyclists and a police helicopter.

"At least it can't get any worse," England shouted over his panicking siblings and the scream of a guitar riff. It was actually quite a good song…

Then, North accidentally set off the alarm and wind screen wipers and turned the headlights on.

"This is your fault!" he snapped at nobody in particular as he grabbed the wheel again and finally managed to get proper control of the car, sending it zipping down a turning off the main road. Wales was looking very green in the back seat.

"I thought it was the Italian's who couldn't drive," he groaned, clutching his churning stomach. "I don't feel very well."

"Don't you dare be sick," Ireland said firmly, leaning forward and finally turning off that God damn racket of a song.

"North will kill us before I have a chance to be," Wales replied, eyes wide and staring at the road in front of him. The police were still on their tail.

"Just get us home before the police catch us!" Sealand yelped, pushing himself next to his sister. Northern Ireland nodded, and then froze.

"Uh… guys… where are we?" he stammered. Scotland rolled his eyes.

"Doesn't matter. We'll get directions," he began, rummaging around in the front. "Where's the SatNav?"

Northern Ireland chuckled nervously.

"We don't have one."

Scotland looked like he was about to explode.

_"You mean to tell me, you bought a car that doesn't fit us all in, isn't comfortable and doesn't have SatNav?_" he bellowed. North shrank in his seat.

"At least it has air conditioning and an iPod adaptor…" the Irish man replied awkwardly. All of his siblings were scowling at him now, furious.

"This is the last time North buys the car!" Ireland snapped.

"This is the last time North _DRIVES_ the car!" England added. The others nodded in agreement, except Northern Ireland, who flushed the colour of his hair.

_"LOOK OUT!_" Wales screeched, pointing at a barrier they were about to crash into. The police had blocked off the road. More police cars were waiting, and when they saw the Mini Cooper, they all turned on their sirens and went after them.

In his panic, Northern Ireland quickly yanked on the steering wheel, sharply sending the car off the road and into a forest surrounding it.

"Are you all OK?" he asked, genuinely concerned about his siblings.

"Yeah. Brilliant," scoffed Ireland.

"Just peachy," Scotland added, gritting his teeth.

"Never felt better," England snapped sarcastically. "We're wanted criminals with the whole fucking country's police force alerted and after us! I'm great!"

"Really?" Sealand asked in a confused tone. "I'm not…"

Wales, Scotland, England and Ireland groaned, face-palming and rolling their eyes. Sealand gazed out of the window with glassy eyes and his mouth dropped.

"Oh… deer…" he mumbled, stunned at first. Northern Ireland glared over his shoulder at the youngest in the family.

"'Oh dear' what? !" he spat. Sealand's eyes widened and he screamed at the top of his lungs,

"_DEEEEEEEEEEEEEER_~!"

North's head snapped back in the right direction and his eyes widened. He quickly swerved the car to avoid the animal and then…

* * *

><p>"That's the <em>second<em> time you crashed a car in _two days_," Scotland growled, pacing the small room and death-glaring at his Irish brother, who squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Wales, who was sitting next to him with their sister on the other side of himself, muttered something, barely audible, under his breath.

"It was less than 48 hours, actually," Ireland mumbled as she picked at her nails. Sealand, who was sitting up on the top bunk of the holding cell in Scotland Yard and swinging his legs, grinned.

"Now I think about it… that was fun. Can North drive next time too?" he asked happily. His older siblings glared at him, then North, then him again.

England sighed, sitting down on the floor with his back pressed up against the wall.

"So… who called their boss to come get us out of here?" he asked his family.

The other five looked blankly at each other. England gave a hollow, dry chuckle.

"Perfect."

* * *

><p>In a room in Downing Street, London, a man was sitting at his desk sipping tea and reading over some political report when a young woman, his secretary, burst into the room.<p>

"I'm sorry, sir," she gabbled, turning on the TV. "But you need to see this."

The man put down his report and watched the TV. BBC news was on, covering the main story of the day, a high-speed car chase involving a Mini Cooper and a whole fleet of the police. The man shook his head as the reporter went through all the details.

"Why are showing me this? I have much more important things to deal with than some 'Speed Racer'," he sighed, turning back to his file. Then his assistant cried out,

"Now, sir! Look!"

So he did. And he saw a shot of the people who were in the car getting chased by the police.

"Good God!" he gasped, jumping to his feet as he instantly recognised every single passenger. "That's our country! That's the United Kingdom!"

The secretary nodded.

"Yes. And they're in prison!"

* * *

><p>"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with…" Sealand trailed off as he scanned the room for something. His eyes focused on it and he grinned. "Something beginning with 'W'!"<p>

"Wall," Scotland replied in a bored tone. Sealand shook his head vigorously.

"Wales," Wales sighed.

"You got it!" the youngest yelled excitedly. "Your go!"

Wales sighed and droned out the phrase, adding 'I' as his letter at the end.

"Idiot," England, Scotland and Ireland chanted, staring at Northern Ireland.

Suddenly, the cell door swung open and a man dressed in a fancy suit walked in. Everyone stood up suddenly. Wales banged his head on the bunk above him as he got to his feet and everyone else flushed bright red. All except Scotland, who grunted, "Hello, Boss-man."

Their boss looked over all six people and shook his head, like a teacher with his troublesome students.

"We need to talk."

* * *

><p>It was an hour or so later when four nations sat in front of their boss in Number 10, Downing Street, shouting over each other, saying things inaudible due to the noise level. Three of them were angrily pointing at Northern Ireland.<p>

Ireland and Sealand had been sent home after their boss' kicked up a huge fuss because they thought their nations had been kidnapped and forced to join the UK again.

England's boss sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. Sometimes his job was far too stressful.

"It was North's fault!"

"_My fault?_"

"You bought the bloody car!"

"I don't care!" boss-man suddenly yelled over the arguing brothers, silencing them. "What you did was unacceptable! Going on a joyride…" he paused and scoffed, looking down his nose at the four nations of the United Kingdom. "You four ought to be ashamed of yourselves."

The four brothers nodded solemnly.

"We're sorry, sir…" England said quietly. His boss raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair.

"Hmm… Let this be a lesson to you. And make sure it doesn't happen again!"

Then, the four nations were sent away.

* * *

><p>Scotland looked at his three younger siblings as they began walking back home.<p>

"What lesson was he talking about? Boss-man's always talking in riddles," he grumbled. Wales shrugged.

"That's because he's a politician," he replied matter-of-factly.

"And the lesson?" Northern Ireland wondered aloud, although he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Yes," England replied bitterly. "Don't ever let you drive!"

**The End**

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> So, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. This was taken from another collection of stories I had up but decided to take down. I had to keep this one up, though. I enjoyed writing it and the feedback I got originally for it was good. **Please review**, your feedback is very important to me.

_The Author Berry~_


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